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Experts claim by the time we are three years old, hippocampus, a portion of the brain that stores memories, has adequately matured to record our first palpable emotions. Coincidentally, that is the age I learned about death. This provoked the initial stages of a series of panic and anxiety attacks that would haunt me through adulthood. From the age of six, I became suicidal, unreasonably needy, and perpetually perceived catastrophic fates. By fourteen, I unveiled a powerful remedy that relieved all distress: alcohol! I self-medicated for years before finding sobriety, therapy, and a healthy lifestyle that demanded I deal with the underlining cause of my psychological malady –my fear of dying.
I began this theatrical satirist series of self-portraits to visually deconstruct the agonizing physical and psychosomatic episodes I endured. I utilize certain digital practices, props, and hand-built installations to place myself in absurd realms manifested directly from the stream of irrational hallucinations caused by outbreaks of trauma and desolation. And even though today my psychological prognosis is promising, I continue to produce abstract fantasy tableaux of neurosis and emotions of angst, as they enlighten my comprehension of my disease and produce a cathartic therapeutic neurological relief.
“Photography saved my life. Every time I go through something scary...I survive by taking pictures.”